Taken a Toll

I was thinking of a good way to express my deep appreciation for southern hospitality and got to thinking of my different experiences going through toll booths down here vs. the tolls up north. What better ambassadors for a region than a toll taker, in many cases they are the first person that a distant traveler comes in contact with as they travel through their region.

What a contrast:

For starters the general appearance of the toll takers down here are more aesthetically pleasing, they all wear the same colorful shirts that depict the Florida landscape,like the one pictured above. Up east they look like grey drab standard uniforms. Have a nice day, thank you and a smile is what I usually get down here..up east, not so much.

One day while traveling route 95 to Boston, I had to pay a toll over a famous bridge two states down from Boston, well, I was a little confused over the lane to get in so I chose a lane that looked quicker, well, it was quicker because the toll taker had just turned the red light on indicating that the lane was closed-too late for me. So as I pull up, I get one of the best welcomes to the big city anybody could hope for. The toll taker seemed a little angry. “Did you not see the Fu*&^*% sign, I am fu&$#@# closed! Are you a fu%$#@& moron? You ass$#&% !"

Well, needless to say, I was a little stunned and gave my 50 cents and said “thank you” and sped away. It did help me get my east coast mood on and I was an angry driver for the next 4 hours.

There is something to be said about the southern hospitality, don’t get me wrong, down here they do get angry, but you wouldn’t know it. They even have a nice way of telling you off. Sir, this lane is closed but I will take your toll this time..next time please be more aware of the red/green lights above is how it would have been handled down here.

I will blog about driving comparisons soon, but thought I would leave you with this lovely photo. You see, up east it’s all about fast..who can get there first, even when it comes to paying tolls! -



OUCH!

With all my complaining about the attitudes up east, I must admit that I am one of them and do enjoy the Adrenalin rush when driving, racing for a better place in line, trying to catch a subway train, arguing about the red sox,and generally getting "pissed" on all fronts. My favorite line I used up North when the traffic light went green and the front car was slow in recognizing was "Hey! The F%$@#&% light is not gonna get any greener!" There, I feel better already Why do I miss that? :)

-G

Meat Eaters and City Pigeons

The more I thought about this topic the more I came to realize how vast the difference is between my northern city exposure to animals in the wild and my southern exposure to REAL animals in the wild. I remember my dad taking me to Boston Commons to feed the pigeons some peanuts. It was a blast; Pigeons can smell a peanut from miles away, you feed one and minutes later, this is what you get:



This was great fun; they would wind up in a feeding frenzy over the peanuts. Some people say that pigeons are dirty birds. I don’t know about that, but they are not respected very much as some consider them to be one of the dumbest animals due to the size of their brain-peanut size, go figure.

Now down south, I haven’t seen many free range pigeons about, but what we have here are creatures that don’t care too much about peanuts – we have meat eaters.


I do follow Florida Statute 372.667 to the letter. Just 10 minutes from my house is one of the most beautiful places in the South, Wakulla Springs State Park. You can take a boat ride and see many of these creatures sunning on the banks or in the water looking for their next meal. Now, don't you think this picture below is a little more intimidating than the calm, relaxing pigeon feeding frenzy above?


I don’t think they are looking for peanuts.

Another creature that I see down here almost every day is the Turkey vulture:




The Turkey Vulture feeds primarily on a wide variety of carrion, from small mammals to large grazers, preferring those recently dead, and avoiding carcasses that have reached the point of putrefaction. Now, you won’t see these meat eaters on the Boston Commons. As a matter of fact, I just came back from the store and noticed three of these birds on the side of the road feeding on some unfortunate road kill, forget the peanuts, throw these guys a T Bone steak and get out of the way!

Yup, an outing to the park is a little different down here.

Snowbird of Happiness!

One thing that surprised me more than anything else living here down south, is how my body has changed. I cannot stand the cold-at all! My internal thermostat is broke. I will admit this here little gem that most people (most y'all) do not know about me-I now use a little electric heater in the bathroom in the mornings to stay warm as I get ready for the day. I really have turned into a weather wimp.

It may have something to do with the Tallahassee area summers that are constantly over 90 degrees in the shade and a humidity you can cut with a knife. I can remember the very first day I stepped out of the airport in Tallahassee (it was the summer) to get a cab to my hotel, I open the doors to go outside and take my first step out , I could hear this great swooshing sound and my eye glasses immediately fogged up with the humidity-“What the heck!?” I exclaimed, and as a true Yankee, I ask the cabbie “is it like this down here all the time?

He answers “Yes, it is, it’s not so bad today”

I do romanticize about the snow every now and then..I remember the fun times as a kid, the snowmen, throwing snowballs and even saving a few snowballs in the freezer for the summer -they were REALLY kind of hard by the time I got around to taking them out , I remember the sledding and most importantly..the time off of school! Oh and Hockey, how can I forget about hockey, up east it’s baseball, apple pie and hockey, they put us on the ice at age 3 and leave us there until we learn how to skate! Our heroes were Bobby Orr and Phil Esposito and the like. We didn't go to the prom-we went to the rink!

I will always remember the silence right after a snow storm, the snow on the ground absorbing all the regular street sounds-kind of eerie but calming.

It does not take me long to also start thinking of the not so pleasant features of a snow fall, like having cold snow find its way down your neck and into your shoes, how after a storm you have to be shovel ready to rescue your car from the fallen heap and after you uncover the car, be careful not to get stuck on the ice because you will be tearing up the nearest cardboard box to stick under the tires to use for traction and that’s after you take a lighter to your car lock as it is frozen over. Driving in the snow, your car has a mind of it's own- I forget, is it if you start to slide or skid left while you are driving am I to turn the wheel right or is it the other way around?

*SNAP! snow days dreaming is over --back to the Florida sun for me.

Every now and then we do get a little of the white stuff down here, in a bad winter we may get ½ inches of snow. It’s fun to watch the locals (Me too!) navigate through the blizzard :)



So I guess you can say I miss it but yet I don’t, I could have fun throwing a few snowballs and call it a day..take me back to the warmth, It would be a disaster if I had to confront a snowstorm now, I would not know what to do-those crazy up east drivers would be laughing at me at the sight of my car going 20 miles and hour with my emergency flasher on! Yup, I have turned into a weather wimp!


I do want to give my northern brothers and sisters a gift from down south-
A Southern Snowman:





!......until next time

~G

Carpetbagger Blues

In United States history, "carpetbaggers" was a negative term Southerners gave to opportunistic Northerners who moved to the South during the Reconstruction era, between 1865 and 1877.

Geesh, I am sure glad I am not one :)

Mind you, I am in no way insinuating that I am an expert on such things, but I do feel with my years in the south, I can give a helping hand to fellow Yankees living or just traveling down here. My number one tip for fellow Yankees is- Be in the moment! One thing that I have learned is that what at first seemed to be a slower lifestyle really turned out to be a deliberate attempt to slow the pace down and be in the moment. Take casual conversations for instance, I can remember talking up east to a friend or relative and sometimes really feel it was not a conversation at all, only killing time and both of us engaging in small talk and looking around over the others shoulder to see “who else is in the room”. Down here be engaged in the person. I found the following interesting article on the interweb…

This from the web page allsands.com:

Southern Culture Survival Guide for Northerners

Northerners who move to the South are almost always shocked at the cultural differences between a native Southerner and their 'Yankee' counterpart. Here's a carpetbagger's guide to assimilating in Dixie.
So you thought you could escape the harsh winters and economic uncertainty of the old Midwestern Rust Belt by moving down South, did you? You took one look at the endless sunny skies and beautiful Southern women and said, 'Now here's the place for me.' You're in the South, my friend, and assimilation into the native culture will be your only key to survival. Here's a few notes to get you past the rough spots, just in case they run out of tar and you're still here next year.

1. If you are invited to a Southern wedding, don't expect to be driven home by taxi at three in the morning after foolishly having fifteen too many. Southern weddings are conservative affairs, held mostly in the afternoons and catered by the same group of women who catered your grandmother's wedding. Punch, nuts, fruit and mints are about all you should expect for refreshments, and don't go looking for the endless champagne fountain- it won't be there, unless it is thoughtfully filled with the aforementioned punch. Southern women plan their weddings from age 5, so if you are fortunate enough to be the groom at such an affair, keep a respectable distance from anything that vaguely resembles a decision. Any Southern wedding that should happen to feature a band and open bar was probably financed by the bride's uncle from New Jersey. Native Southerners hire a singer or two for the wedding, never a band for the reception. Count your blessings.

2. If you think a Southerner's drawl sounds funny, you should hear how you sound to them. Yankees invariably speak ten times faster than is strictly necessary, and native Southerners do not share the same fascination for Northern accents as Yankees have for the harmonious and charming Southern accent. Never insist that a Southerner say something cute in front of your Northern visitors- for a Southerner, this is a prime opportunity to get some payback for the sacking of Atlanta. A true Southerner's attitude towards Northerners looking for cheap entertainment at his expense varies wildly from simple bemusement to 'I know where you live, Yankee boy.'

3. For a Northerner, a 'Coke' is that refreshing carbonated beverage marketed by the Coca Cola bottling company. To a Southerner, 'coke' is the generic term for any drink fizzier than Yoo-Hoo. If a Southern waitress asks you if you'd like a coke, be specific. Coca-Cola may very well be the default drink you'll receive, but expect a pregnant pause as the waitress gives you that one last chance to narrow down your beverage decision.


Another tip when you're a Yankee just looking for something cold and wet? Order the iced tea and thank me later. Southerners have perfected the art of making iced tea, and it is as commonplace as water in most Dixie restaurants. Yankees who may be used to the forceful bite of instant tea mix will be seduced by the promise of real brewed iced tea with enough added sugar to make the spoon stand on its own. You will have to search high and low for the hot stuff, but the iced tea flows wild and sweet and cold in the South.

4. Everyday conversations with the natives will invariably throw you for a full year or so. Groceries are put in a 'sack', hamburgers are eaten 'all the way', people 'carry' their friends to the store, directions consist of 'Up air a ways' or 'down yonder', and "Y'all" covers everybody. If you are a Northerner eager to assimilate, pick up bits and pieces of the language where you can, and try not to sweat the small stuff. You may actually earn a grudging respect from a native Southerner if you pepper your speech with a few y'alls and howeryew's. Whatever you do, do not launch into an affected Southern drawl until you've earned the right (pronounce 'rat') to have one. Southern hospitality has its natural limits, and inadvertently mocking the natives is one of them.

5. Be respectful of where you've been planted or transferred. Leaving the brutally harsh winters of Michigan or the comfort and security of the Pennsylvania coalmines may have been difficult, but remember where you are and who's paying you good money to be there. The worst conversation starter for a Yankee in the South goes something like this: 'Back in Indiana, we had good public transportation and the water was better and...' You blew it at 'Back in Indiana,...'. You may be absolutely dead-on right in your observations, you may have put your finger right on the pulse of the problem, you may have illustrated your point beautifully, but here is the one cardinal rule of engagement you must never break. The battle cry of any Southerner anywhere is: 'We don't CARE how they do it up North!' Remember that rule to your dying day, and enjoy your stay

Where's Gordo ?

So, I start my blog on my southern experiences and I get an e-mail from a friend who says “hey Gordon, your not in the South, your in Florida” I think many of my family and friends think of Florida in terms of Disney world, when I tell everyone I live in Florida, the next thing out of their mouth is “Nice, so how far are you from Disney World?” I explain that I am in the Tallahassee area, 4 hours drive from Orlando. But a million years in time. Tallahassee is a very southern minded city it borders two other southern states-Georgia and Alabama. So just how much am I in the South?..Check this out



Modern definition The states in dark red are almost always included in modern day definitions of the South, while those in medium red are usually included. Some sources classify Maryland and Missouri as Southern, with Delaware only rarely grouped within the region. West Virginia is often considered Southern, because it was once part of Virginia. From my personal experience, I think you can color the Florida panhandle dark red.

Central Florida downward seems more northern like, has a big city feel. It could be because of all the Yankees who did the snowbird thing and stayed.

What looks more southern to you, Tallahassee’s famous canopy roads:



Or this?




Miami skyline. People in the panhandle in Florida do talk about Miami as if it were in another country. Such a vast change in culture and mood. It’s kind of funny, I do look forward to a trip to Miami or Orlando to get my big city fix every now and then but always look forward to coming “home” to our little slice of heaven here in gods country. So, yes I live down south nowadays. I don't hear much of-"you can't get there from heeya" But how about this one: He looks like he's been rode hard and put up wet

Jurassic Bugs

It happens every time I mow the lawn here, I don’t know what it is, I only see a blur but as I am sweating and halfway through my lawn mowing venture, I hear it. It sounds like a low flying plane only with a deeper pitch. It flies right by my ears and I can feel the “wing breeze” and see the blur of some sort of giant bug strafing my head from heck knows where to scare the bejesuz out of me. My reactions are slower these days, so when I duck my head, this large flying beast is already long gone. I will find out one day what this thing is and study up on it so to be prepared for battle the next time.

Florida bugs are huge! And to me, very different from any bugs that I have seen. Just looking at my screen door at night when I have the porch light on, you can see the many different type of strange and weird looking creatures. When I look at my screen at night, I automatically can see and hear that scene from the movie Star Wars, you know the one where all the aliens are at the bar for a drink..this one..

this one !

that’s what it looks and sounds like!

We don’t have simple cockroaches down here, we call them Palmetto bugs..with gigantic engines and a wing span that would make any northern bird blush. Look here!





I don’t remember these things in Boston? I think they need a mini runway to get airborne!


You want to talk spiders? Growing up on the east coast I remember being afraid of those long legged spiders we called daddy long legs. Well, I can proudly say that I fear them no more! I have this to contend with down here:




(From the spider bites web page) The Banana Spider is known to hide among bananas shipped to the US and is really called the Brazilian Wandering Spider. These spiders are aggressive and very venomous and not intimidated by size (can attack people when threatened).

The odd part about the Banana Spider is that studies indicate only 33% of the spider bites actually contain any significant amount of venom, but those that are injected with venom could be in serious danger!
If you are bitten by a Brazilian Wandering spider (Phoneutria spp.), you should seek immediate emergency treatment as the venom could possibly be life threatening. The Phoneutria not only has a potent neurotoxin, but is said to have one of the most excruciatingly painful spider bites of all spiders due to its high concentration of serotonin.
Despite the Banana Spider’s reputation as the world’s deadliest spider, there are multiple studies that dispute the ability for the spider to actually kill a human and one study suggested that a little over 2% of these spider bites (mostly in children) were serious enough to require antivenom.
On the other hand, there are other studies suggesting that the Banana Spider is indeed the most toxic spider in the world based upon toxicology studies. One of the most notable and thorough studies is presented in the book “Venomous Animals and their Venoms Vol. III” by Wolfgang Bucheral and Eleanor Buckley. This study has some shocking findings that clearly demonstrate how lethal the Brazilian Wandering spider can actually be.
There is an antidote for the bite of a Banana Spider and was discovered by Carlos Chagas from Brazil.
If you see a spider hiding in a cluster of Bananas, you should move right along and possibly inform the store manager that is may be a Banana Spider!

There are big, less threatening bugs as well, take the large milkweed bug here



Not so threatening but still big! Large Milkweed Bugs - Oncopeltus fasciatus
These bugs can sometimes be found by the hundreds on a single milkweed plant. Adults and all levels of instars can be mixed together. The adults, being flying insects, can be quite a sight when airborne - the top of their abdomen is really brilliant orange and shows up nicely when the wings are in use. For a bug Leary guy, they still can be intimidating


I could go on, but I will stop here before I get to talking about the not so big but pesky little fire ants, that’s another entry.
Even with all these large pesky creatures about, I love the south, the people and it’s bugs. well, bugs - not so much!

True Grits

From Wikipedia: Grits is a food of Native American origin that is common in the Southern United States; it mainly consists of coarsely ground corn.

Grits is similar to other thick maize-based porridges from around the world, such as polenta. It also resembles farina, a thinner porridge. The word leads back to the traditional Northern European grit gruels. Grits can be served hot or cold and as a base for a multitude of dishes from breakfast to dessert, depending on the additives. Additives can include salt and butter, meats (especially shrimp on the east or Gulf Coast), cheese, and rarely, (but in nouvelle Southern cuisine) vegetables. It is also common for people from above the Mason-Dixon Line to have brown sugar, nuts, raisins and even coconut shavings with their grits.

Grits can also be fried. The boiled grits are left to cool in a pan or mold. The resulting block of firm, cooled grits are cut with a knife or wire, and the slices are fried in a fat such as vegetable oil, butter, or bacon grease.

Hominy grits is grits made from nixtamalized corn, or hominy. It is sometimes called sofkee or sofkey from the Creek word.[1][2] (end)

So........when I first asked for a bowl of grits here in the south, I asked the waitress to be sure to include milk and sugar..she said "include what!?" "you must be from up north" she continued. Quaker oats porridge came to mind when I placed my order. Come to find out, I can have grits with butter or cheese (cheese?) Before tasting them, I always thought of grits to be a hard "gritty" food and tasteless. Heck I had no clue what a grit was prior to my southern life, as a kid I heard the word grit and could only think of one thing: John Wayne!



I loved this man,what a great American!


I now have come to enjoy a bowl of grits with my breakfast. I still probably eat them with a northern flare as I don't have it with cheese or butter but ask for it plain and I top it off with a bit of artificial sugar-yes the pink package. Some tell me that is sacrilegious, but I do enjoy them that way. I do remember, as a kid eating porridge at the kitchen table before school and staring at the box and wondering is this Ben Franklin or a look alike?



I am now in search of the best grits in North Florida...can you help locate?? I will even try them with cheese or butter if you can point me in the right direction.

~Gordon

So it's called worm gruntin'

You have not lived until you have experienced the worm gruntin' festival held annually in Sopchoppy Florida. When I first heard about this festival I had mental images of locals on stage with a microphone grunting like a worm, (does a worm grunt?) not unlike the pig calling contests I have seen on the news. Far from it! First off, My wife had to tell me it's worm gruntin' honey, NOT worm grunting! Worm gruntin' is the art of earth worming - using tools with names such as ropping iron, wooden stob, gallon can and croaker sack. you use these tools to create a vibration by moving back and forth the rooping iron across the wooden stob - the vibration moves the little fellas from under the soil to topside for easy pickings to be used for bait.

At the festival, I found the worm gruntin' master-Gary Revell. His family has been doing this for many, many years. Gary owns a bait shop in Sopchoppy and was very excited to show me his "catch" from his recent gruntin' activities.



Gary is a very happy man and loves what he does with a passion:



I appreciated that more than anything else at the festival, how passionate Gary was to his trade and how he enjoyed telling us what he does and how he enjoys doing it. It's a family tradition. The closest thing I ever came to doing something like this up east was to dig for hours in my backyard when I was a kid and could only find those darn Rolly Polly bugs that curled up into a ball when you touched them. The bottom line of the festival was just as much about the people than the worms,good people celebrating an old art....love it!!

Down South

I created this blog to catalog my ventures and wanderings down south. I have been to so many fascinating places and met so many nice and interesting people I thought it would be a great idea to share and keep an on line diary so to speak. Growing up in the inner city of Boston, I was brought up and taught about things in the "east coast spin" the south was a million miles from home. living down south for a number of years now (Crawfordville, Florida-Wakulla County!) has me learning the "southern spin" I love it and now call it home. I hope you enjoy the blog entries...feel free to comment :)

~Gordon