A Yankees Low Country Boil

I saw this sign while out and about today:

Now, being a good Yankee, the first thoughts that came to mind wasn’t anything to do with food. I immediately started to think about how my angry tendencies have mellowed since being down South. My anger is like a low country boil these days. Most of the time. 

Anybody who has lived in a big city up east knows that it doesn’t take much to go from happy to angry…I think the average is about  3.5 seconds..

I am not saying that Northerners stay angry all the time, it’s that it doesn’t take much to get us riled up. Cut in front of us in line or make us wait too long for service or tell a Northerner you are out of an item on the menu and……....

.........It’s on.

I do stay level headed most of the time these days, but a recent chain of events had me out of my low country boil and put me in a high state of pissed off. You see, this past Friday it all started wrong. My fancy alarm clock decided to set itself one hour back in time and the alarm went off at 5:00am instead of 6:00am. So now I am up early for work and not a happy camper. I can't go back to sleep.  Then I go to Starbucks and decide to wait in this crazy line for coffee. The line was literally out the door. still composed, I wait in line and use my phone to check my bank account and I see that I have a charge on my account for $49.57 for Avon products.  Still in line, I speed dial my wife, "Did you buy Avon, dear?" 

She tells me no. I was losing my low boil.

So now I can only think about the web of calls I will need to make to get to the bottom of this. I finally get my coffee and cranberry scone and head to my truck. I had placed the coffee on the floor of my truck as I fastened my seatbelt and of course forgot about it and drove off and made a right turn and felt the heat of the hot coffee all over my socks and pant legs.

 FUC%  !!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS ??

I yell louder than any other time I can remember in my life. Geographical location had no impact on my angriness,  I was in a pissy mood all day from these events. My low boil quickly turned in to a rolling, water over the top boil. The good news is that I did find out about the bank charge and it was a keying mistake not a stolen account. Although, the bank did cut my debit card off in the middle of all of this,  " for my protection" I wish they told me this BEFORE I went food shopping. 

I can remember while living up east, anger was an art form and it was always, like an app, running in the background of your soul. It was in the DNA of many of us, ready to break out at anytime. Now again, not all Northerners had anger issues, but I bet more northerners get angry at what may seem small issues more times than our southern counterparts do. 

I know for a fact that while down here my friends and co-workers like to tweak this anger Achilles heel of mine, for fun and sport. "Watch what I can do to this Yankee" I am sure they would say before I get the . "Hey, Dunkin' Donuts suck and Ice Hockey is nothing but men on figure skates" or  just plane ole "Yankee go home" 

In the past, while hearing this, my mind would to go here:

But I have gotten much better. In the past, I might have come back with "Oh yea, I bet William Tecumseh Sherman wasn't a figure skater!" Yankees have to go for the jugular , an argument stopper and we don't stop until we feel we have scorched earth. This cannot be healthy at all. 

{From a Buddha Page on the web} 

One of the most harmful effects of anger is that it robs us of our reason and good sense. Wishing to retaliate against those whom we think have harmed us, we expose ourself to great personal danger merely to exact petty revenge. To get our own back for perceived injustices or slights, we are prepared to jeopardize our job, our relationships, and even the well-being of our family and children. When we are angry we lose all freedom of choice, driven here and there by an uncontrollable rage:

Southerners get angry in a much kinder and gentler way, you really don’t know they are angry till sometime later when you reflect on the conversation. They use words that don’t sting as much: 

Up east we might call someone F&@k&%@ Crazy, here, they say – Bless your heart.

 Up east we may say to someone, you are a fu%#@&! Sh%@ Head ! Here they say, you are a hot mess. You see, the edge is off but it all means the same thing.

The culture of anger. Heck you can’t get away from it anyhow, anywhere these days…..

Although, playing this game is sort of a stress reliever. I do find after a round of angry birds, my blood pressure seems to drop. Well, except for those harder levels. 

Wow, I really went there, all from this sign on side of the road, my mind does wander a bit, huh ? 

So yea, Slow Country Boil is what I am all about today, a constant search for peace within. Until I spill hot coffee on my pants and socks.......

.....Speaking Of Slow country Boil - The real meaning of the sign I saw at the side of the road: 

 Now that is the real deal!! 

There are two kinds of social gatherings in coastal Georgia and South Carolina that revolve around shellfish. One is very much like a Louisiana boil, usually involving shrimp, corn on the cob, sausage, and red potatoes and is considered part of Lowcountry cuisine. Known variously as Frogmore Stew, Beaufort Stew, a Beaufort boil, a Lowcountry boil, or a tidewater boil, they tend be a bit milder than their Louisiana Cajun and Creole cousins.


 For example, it is not unusual for a Lowcountry recipe to call for a mixture of hot and mild crab boil seasonings, e.g., Zatarain's and Old Bay, whereas a Cajun recipe may start with crab boil packets and add large amounts of cayenne pepper and hot sauce. While shrimp are most often used, crabs and or crawfish may be included if available. This is also a bit different from a Louisiana boil, which usually involves just one kind of shrimp.


Yum! 


Now, doesn't that just put a smile on your face? 

Oh, in case you are in the market to anger a Yankee, I did get the following from the web:(From a Southerner BTW) 

1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
2. Pronounce all one-syllable words as if they had two syllables.
3. When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the left." Confuses them no end!
4. Talk REAL slow, and (even when you hear them the first time) always ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.
5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!"
6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
7. Refer to every soft drink as a "Coke."
8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie, John Michael, Jim Bob, etc. . . .)
11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it."
12. Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady".
13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can".
14. Put Tabasco on everything.
15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!", say "Well I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies . . . preferably the banana ones.
17. Name all of your children "Bubba".
18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their reaction.
19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut off" lights. "Carry" the kids to school. Always remember (especially in Texas) it's not a "pond", it's a "tank."
20. Never simply "do" something. Always be "fixin' to do" something.
21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations . . . Offends the devil out of 'em.
23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP.
Anyway, turn right there . . . " "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town . . . "
24. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend. 25. Call 'em a yankee. Works every time! (Just a joke, folks! Some of my best friends are - - - - - - - ) (Edited from one sent to us on the internet. - Author Unknown) [/SIZE]